What if Billy Mays did a commercial for Aperture?

jackcity17runaway:

BILLY MAYS HERE, FOR ANOTHER GREAT PRODUCT FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT APERTURE SCIENCE. ARE YOU TIRED OF EVERYTHING BEING OUT OF REACH? TOOLS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GARAGE, BUT THE CORD ON THE DRILL JUST ISN’T LONG ENOUGH? THEN DO WE HAVE THE SOLUTION FOR YOU!

INTRODUCING PORTALS! JUST LIKE MAGIC, THESE PORTALS WILL MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS IN REACH. PUT THE DOG OUTSIDE, AND NEVER LEAVE THE COMFORT OF YOUR HOME. SERVE THE KIDS LUNCH BUT STAY IN THE KITCHEN TO CLEAN UP. WITH PORTALS, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING OUT OF TOUCH AGAIN.

SAVE ON GAS! POP A PORTAL AT THE OFFICE, THE GROCERY STORE, OR WHEREVER AND ANOTHER AT HOME! IT’S JUST THAT EASY. KEEP A PORTAL GOING AT HOME, AND INSTANTLY BE BACK HOME BEFORE THE ICE CREAM EVEN HAS A CHANCE TO MELT. WITH PORTALS, YOU’LL NEVER BE LATE FOR WORK, AGAIN!

BUT CALL WITHIN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES, AND WE’LL INCLUDE THESE HANDY DANDY APERTURE PORTAL CONDUCTING WALLS. PLACE A PORTAL WHEREVER YOU NEED IT, WHENEVER YOU NEED IT.

AND THAT’S NOT ALL. ASK HOW YOU CAN GET AN APERTURE SCIENCE PERSONAL USE TURRET FOR JUST THE COST OF SHIPPING AND HANDLING. WITH THESE PERSONAL TURRETS, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR FAMILY’S SAFETY AGAIN.

SO REMEMBER, THAT’S THE PORTALS, THE PORTAL CONDUCTING WALLS, AND THE TURRET, ALL FOR ONLY THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $59.95. PAYING BUY A CREDIT CARD? THEN WE’LL CUT ONE PAYMENT, SO THAT’S ALL OF THIS FOR ONLY TWO PAYMENTS OF $59.95

NOW YOU’RE THINKING WITH PORTALS! CALL THE NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN AND ACT NOW, SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED!

ratscannotthrowup:

zeefsterart:

I title this…

Fact, Factventure, and Archeops

and no one is going to stop me.

((Putting it on here too since it’s mostly Fact.  Oh hey look new bowl cut technique.))

((Zeef, your drawings are too awesome for words.))

ratscannotthrowup:

femmefactale:

adventuringandroid:

((Hooooo boy. Strong emotional reaction, I’m warning y’all now.

Mistreating people or sending them hate for something they cannot help is… beyond cruel. If I was this person, and someone sent this to me regarding any one of the people I love… I’d probably have been much less cool- headed about the ordeal. Someone saying cruel things IRL? Punch in the face. I don’t care how much bigger they are than I. I’d physically assault them. I can’t even express the amount of hate I feel for people like this anon. I just can’t… and nobody in my family is anything but a white cis neuro-typical non-disabled blah blah blah. You do not hate someone for something they physically cannot control. You hate someone if they’re an unapologetic asshole, and even then you try understanding first.

One of my very best friends who I love very, very much was diagnosed with Autism at age 3, and the only reason I mention it at all is because of the way she described growing up with Autism. From what I understand, with my limited perspective: the physical inability to connect socially on the level of her peers hurt, but more painful was the way her classmates and teachers reacted to her. She got punished by the adults at school who were supposed to be protecting her for lashing out and defending herself against the kids who hit her triggers on purpose. She grew up in a small town, and because of that the kids in their class were the same ones through high school. My bud’s classmates kept pushing and kept pushing and… she didn’t snap. She’d gotten her emotions under control by that point. It drove her to depression, and thoughts of suicide and… I can’t even think about that. I just can’t. The thought that people drove her to consider suicide… I can’t finish that sentence.

Social acceptance is incredibly important for us as human beings. We’re pack animals, and… my friend was made to feel worthless, from what I understand, because her brain is wired differently. That’s it. That’s the only reason.

The amount of prejudice that came with that diagnosis, and the things that come along with it… it just sickens me. And the friend in question was damn lucky. This person is high- functioning. They were able to work their ass off and develop social skills. She had loving and supporting parents and siblings and two very important friends that helped carry her through it. Of course I don’t know the whole story and I don’t tell it as well as they do. Well, hell. I’ll link you right to her rant. It’s raw and it hurt to read because social ostracism is something very close to the bone and not being able to step in to help just sucks. If I knew who these kids and their enablers were, I’d probably need someone to hold me back.

Unfortunately, that’d mean I’d have to punch out most of a town of 1300 people.

Even within my own family, there’s prejudice built in, and it’s always turned my stomach. There was a kid across the street from some of my cousins, I’ll call him C. C… was different. He hadn’t developed speech skills in elementary school, and needed an aide to teach him things; he had something on the Autism spectrum; I don’t know what it was but he was definitely not high- functioning. In early elementary, I’d never heard of C. He was a pretty quiet kid, never stood out much. Then, around 4th grade, I was talking to my cousins and one of them made the comment that he was going to “shoot you with my rifle gun!” The voice he used sounded like a crude imitation of one I’d heard before: this kid up in Chicago that I met once at a pool. I found out later that the pool- kid had severe brain damage. So I asked my cousin what the reference was and why he was doing that voice, and my cousin responded “Hahahaha, ohhh, that’s just C.”

I was confused. So, my cousins started telling me stories about C. How he bolted out of the house with a nerf gun and started shooting it at some of the neighborhood kids who were making fun of him when he couldn’t catch them, how he broke down screaming and crying when people called him retarded, how he ran outside naked one summer because he didn’t want to wear this shirt his mom bought that he thought would make him look stupid… Story after story about this kid, all told with the same sort of mocking laughter. I asked around and got more stories, more laughter, more cruel chuckles from everyone. The kids’ parents included. Everyone I talked to was just laughing their ass off about this guy, and I didn’t see where the joke was. I’d seen people get shot. Threats of gun violence weren’t funny; they were cause for blind terror.

C wasn’t in my classroom at school, but his classmates told me about him. I was horrified at what people were saying, and definitely afraid of C after what people were telling me about him. He avoided people at school, in general, and I thought he wanted to be left alone. So I left him alone.

I only ever had one conversation with this guy. Looking back, I should have reached out more.

C’s sister was a college kid at the time, and a babysitter. She babysat me one time when my regular babysitter was out of town, and after dad expressed concern about C’s violent words (as a lot of parents would), he left me at C’s family’s house. C’s sister was on the phone with her friend, and I snuck out of her sight. I started exploring the house. Somehow, and I don’t know how, I ended up in C’s room.

I’ll never forget the wary look he gave me when I first peeked into his space. He paused his video game, sized me up a little, and (as I was a tiny kid and had never said a word to him) evidently decided I was no threat. I looked around at his posters, and pointed at his Mortal Kombat one. “What’s that?”

Over the next several hours, C went from suspicious to wide open. I wanted to get inside this apparently super violent person’s mind, mostly just to determine what his triggers were and avoid them, but… yes, he talked about beating people up with a glee that made me cringe, but once I told him he was scaring me he stopped talking about beating up real people and started explaining the mechanics of his video games to me. I’d developed a pretty good sense of when someone was going to get violent, and C struck me as doing the same thing I did when I threatened to hit people: He just wanted them to leave him alone. He offered me a seat on his bed and handed me a controller, and we sat there and played Street Fighter. I sucked at it, but he repeatedly reassured me that it was okay, it took a long time to get good, and that he didn’t really want to beat me up. “It’s just in the video game and we have to hit each other in the game because that’s what the game is.” We ended up tying every match when I told him that we could just jump over and over and be silly. He still scared me, but I was glad he didn’t want to hurt me. I found out later that his sister had come looking for me, saw me interacting positively with her brother, and quietly left.

Finally, when we were just sitting there, I asked him the question that’d been bugging me all night. “C, you told people you want to shoot them and beat them up. Why?” He stared at me for a few seconds, like he couldn’t believe what’d come out of my mouth.

“What?”

“Why?”

I will never forget his response as long as I live. He gave me a sad little- half smile and answered: “Because everyone is mean to me. I just want them to go away.” I told him people were mean to me too, and that was no reason to get violent. He stopped me and shook his head. “No. Everyone is mean to me. They all hate me and want me to die. I just want them to go away. Maybe I should die. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’m just a stupid retard.” I was little and didn’t know how to handle that, and said nothing. He took my silence to mean he’d overstepped some line he didn’t know was there, and apologized. I told him it was okay. We sat there awkwardly until Dad came to pick me up.

Another kid’s dad approached me about it later. “So I heard you had fun with C?” “…yeah.” “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” “No! He only says mean things because everyone is mean to him!” “That’s not true. My little J isn’t mean to him, and he can’t understand the teasing anyway! It’s just good harmless fun!”

J was one of C’s biggest bullies, and C most certainly understood when people were being cruel to him. I didn’t say anything. I probably should have.

C never approached me again, and I never approached him. I think he thought he’d crossed a line such that I wouldn’t talk to him again, and I was scared he’d think I hated him and would lash out at me for it.I… I still feel horrible about not reaching out again. I should have. I shouldn’t have been scared.

The point behind telling y’all this is to highlight the sheer, raw pain that making fun of someone who’s different can cause. Be careful what you say. Words can very easily kill someone.))

((Reblogging as signal boost))

((Kiefer…I am crying.  This is a brilliant response.))

(Source: bl-eehh)

grabbidyballs:

how about some lame manly headshots

OOC ranting (TW: Ableism, mention of depression and suicide)

ratscannotthrowup:

Alright…I just saw some little mess popping up about saying someone having a mental illness is basically calling them retarded.  And I have a pretty damn good idea of who that anon was.  So can I say something on the matter?

Read More

askbrilliantblu:

((Something that would happen if everyone in this pic turned into lil’ babies again…))

((Was just trying out a few new poses yesterday and ended up with Carrie again. I figured this was during ‘Adventure Training’. Hope you like! ;-) ))

beautifulnobody:

I’m not a model I was playing with the butterflies and the camera turned itself on

(Source: charlottevstapleton)

(Source: vienderose)

askbrilliantblu:

((what would our androids look like if they were build in the victorian era? I think…this could be a possibility, huh?))

adventuringandroid:

askbrilliantblu:

((throwing something in the Factcest tag too…. Jam’s Fact and Jess’ Fact discussing some positions and questioning the knife in Sanguine’s hand. Sanguine’s muttering about Factdark, and his struggling, threatening a little. Gegg’s Fact states that threatening isn’t helping the situation. And Factdark…um…he complains!)

…er …Pinky? Any o’ y’all? How… how’d… WHO SLIPPED THIS UNDER MY DOOR AND WHY?!

How to Get Ahead in Life

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1.       Don’t pay too much attention to the way you feel. Feelings change throughout the day and they are unreliable. Don’t let them rule your life, or interfere with your goals.

2.       Decide not to worry as it tends to make things worse. If you focus on your worries it will drain your energy – and often what we’re dreading doesn’t happen anyway.

3.       Cut the internal commentary. Stop telling yourself that things are going to fall apart, or your efforts won’t succeed, or you won’t be popular.  Keep trying, moving forwards, and getting on with life.

4.       Stop being self-critical. You need to be your own cheerleader and your biggest fan in life.  Note progress, perseverance, attitude and inner strength. Be affirming, kind, believing and coach towards success.

5.       Stop feeling guilty. Feeling guilty changes nothing. You are going to make mistakes. Accept you aren’t perfect - then get up and try again.

6.       Stop worrying about what others think of you. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what they think. Choose your own goals for your life – you’re not accountable to them.

7.       Don’t worry about set backs or changes to your plans. Plans always need adjusting and things always go wrong – but that doesn’t mean “it’s over” or you’ll never reach your goals. Expect to make some changes – just be adaptable.

adventuringandroid:

azurenightshade started following you

Hey, it’s Carrie’s mom! Hiiii, Carrie’s mom! ^_^

Well, hey there! I guess this is where I’m s’posed to give you the obligatory speech about bein’ good to my baby girl and treatin’ her right, and insinuatin’ death threats should you ever hurt her? *smiles sweetly*

rubitrightintomyeyes:

whatthechell:

HOLY PROPULSION GEL LOOK AT THIS BIKE. ARE YOU LOOKING AT IT? PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE LOOKING AT IT. WHO OWNS THIS? LEAPING LEMONS I NEED TO MARRY THEM.

WHOOOOOOA RICK’S GOT WHEELS

Try this test, it’s pretty cool

badmanturret:

hidania:

dirktier:

qenismcgee submitted:  http://www.hypnoid.com/psytest2.html

And maybe post the results too!

Handy in the real world manipulation of objects and events, you are easily enthused by practical projects. You often ignore or conveniently forget rules and boundaries that limit your freedom. This need for freedom extends even to the personal sphere and though you are kind and gentle, you will often be hard to pin down to a monogamous lifestyle. Because you tend to verbalize so seldom, you can be seen as phlegmatic or impassive. In moments of high tension you can often surprise those around you with a lighthearted or humorous remark. Because of your facility with the physical world, you are often engaged in sports that require dexterity, such as motorcycling or hang gliding. You will rarely have time for flights of fancy or unproductive discussion. Constraints on your freedom will be regarded as a personal attack.

Thoughtful to the extreme, you are often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing your own personal interests. Your world is black and white. You love to work within a logical system, such as language, computer programming, or mathematics. Manipulating a system that can be completely understood is a distinct pleasure to you, because of your confidence in the underlying veracity of your belief system. Because of your appreciation for logic and order, those who speak or think in a sloppy manner are apt to generate more than their share of wrath. Although very amiable, you are not drawn to friendships out of a sense of personal need. You are just as happy by yourself with a good book or puzzle. Because you are so involved with thought, you will on occasion have difficulty dealing with the day-to-day problems of a normal life. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, these are often left until the last possible moment, if at all.

its semi accurate

You are in a perpetual quest to find the new, the exciting. Emotionally volatile, you are known for sudden changes of opinion, of appreciation, and behavior. Following rules and established methods is difficult for you and the difficulties of higher education are usually quite daunting. Knowledge is best gained through an intimate association with the matter at hand. Usually driven by attitudes and desires of the group, you are talented in an established field of endeavor. Emotions come and go without a strong understanding of their causes. They are unexpected guests in an otherwise placid landscape. You live by your own codes of conduct, which can be noble or terrible depending on the individual. Authority is meaningless to you. You hate to be predictable, at all costs. Rarely verbally effusive, you can at times feel as if your feelings are too deep for words. You are very observant, but rarely express these observations to others.

((OOC: Actually a bit accurate.))

Thoughtful to the extreme, you are often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing your own personal interests. Your world is black and white. You love to work within a logical system, such as language, computer programming, or mathematics. Manipulating a system that can be completely understood is a distinct pleasure to you, because of your confidence in the underlying veracity of your belief system. Because of your appreciation for logic and order, those who speak or think in a sloppy manner are apt to generate more than their share of wrath. Although very amiable, you are not drawn to friendships out of a sense of personal need. You are just as happy by yourself with a good book or puzzle. Because you are so involved with thought, you will on occasion have difficulty dealing with the day-to-day problems of a normal life. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, these are often left until the last possible moment, if at all.

((Not too far off, all things considered… except for the math part. I hate math.))

(Source: jvnko)